slowing it down

state of mind

impatient,
withdrawn,
with less tolerance for bullshit

a story

you see him passing by.
handsome, nice looking, with strong arms.
you catch him looking at you with the corner of your eye.
an innocent look of interest, maybe attraction.
little by little, you get closer.
you talk, look at each other, touch, almost as if by the way.

he seeks your attention. he asks questions about what you like.
and how you see the world.
you joke, and find out that your sense of humor is so compatible.
he takes a blade of grass and moves it across your neck...
and that makes you tremble with lust.

you spend your evenings together.
by the fire.
dancing in the mountains.
drinking and laughing.
gazing at the stars.
pinned by the tree..
his mouth on yours, constantly.

and when you give in, just a little, to this feeling,
that stirs your heart and makes you alive,
he backs away.
leaving you hanging there, wondering,
analyzing and wishing for more.
will there be more?

at night
you crave his lips, his hands
lying quietly in your empty bed.

i want more.

it's funny how wishes come true.
one by one.
you ask for it, and let it come to you.
just like that.

(plus a bit of work and heartache along the way)

...

it will be some otherworldly miracle (!) if one day i find myself among people with the same taste in life's little pleasures, like music, movies, clothes, hairstyle, discussion points and random observations. because right now, it's painfully sad not to be able to share much. all i get is 'honestly, i don't like it', or 'it's weird'.

bite me.

don't count yourself out ma' dear

yeah, don't.

bUsY

so many thoughts, so many things to do. changes, changes, so far only planned. can't wait for everything to finally take the right turn. also, considering a july trip to alaska. my dream for a long time now. it should be great except i might have to fly on a very, very small plane. like, a one-person-per-plane plane... but that's a minor sacrifice (maybe..) to finally see the remote moose land. back to planning then. and hopefully winning a lottery to sponsor all that!